Dealing with Demanding Children

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Dealing with Demanding Children

Demanding children - children who have entitlement issues - seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted ("I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!"), we hear many children today uttering the fairly constant refrain, "I want ....! Give it to me! Get it for me, now!" They seem to be masters at instilling guilt in their parents through phrases such as "It's not fair!" or "You don't love me!" or "What about what I want?", or by getting angry, shutting down or crying piteously.

Why are there so many demanding children?

Olivia grew up with a self-centered demanding critical mother who never let her have her feelings. Olivia learned early to take responsibility for her mother's feelings by being a good girl. Now, as a parent herself, and not wanting to do to her children what her mother did to her, she has gone the other way. Rather than being demanding and self-centered, she is compliant and self-sacrificing. Rather than being an authoritarian parent like her mother was, she is a permissive parent, giving in to her children's demands rather than setting appropriate limits.

Olivia tends to give much to much credence to her children's feelings. All they need to do is be upset about something and she stops what she is doing to attend to them. They have learned to use their feelings of hurt, irritation and anger as a means of control. Olivia thinks she is being loving when she makes it "safe" for her children to express their feelings. The problem is she is not discerning the difference between having feelings and using feelings as a means of control. Because she gives her children's feelings so much importance, her children have learned to use their feelings against her.

Olivia's children need to learn to care about Olivia instead of just trying to get her to give herself up to meet their demands. The only way they will learn to care about her is if she learns to care about herself.

Demanding children are difficult to be around. They have a hard time keeping friends and as adults they create chaotic relationships. So let's take a hard look at what we need to do to support caring in children rather than self-centeredness. Authoritarian parenting often creates compliant/caretaking children, while permissive parenting seems to create narcissistic children. Neither authoritarian nor permissive parenting is loving parenting - parenting that supports the highest good of both children and parents. Let's break the cycle of creating caretakers and takers. As parents, we need to learn to:

* Take loving care of ourselves rather than constantly give ourselves up to our children's needs and feelings.

* Set appropriate limits rather than always complying with our children's demands.

* Care about our own feelings as much as we care about our children's feelings.

* Not allow our feelings and needs to be invisible to our family.

* Accept rejection from our children rather than give in to them to avoid being rejected.

* Learn to discern the difference between children's feelings that need to be attended to and feelings that are being used to manipulate.

* Expect to be appreciated and respected rather than accept being taken for granted.

It is not a matter of swinging back to authoritarian parenting. It is a matter of expecting to be treated with respect and caring. Your children will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you allow your feelings and needs to be invisible because you are not attending to them or making them important to you, your children will learn to see you and others as invisible. Children who see themselves as important and others as invisible because this is what their parents are role-modeling may become narcissistic, self-centered, demanding children.

It is not easy to move out of caretaking and into caring about yourself and others. Caretaking others was likely a form of survival when you were growing up. Yet to truly be a loving parent, you need to have the courage to behave in a way that fosters caring and consideration in your children, and this will never happen if you consistently put yourself aside for others.

A quick guide to how to bake chicken can be found at the Baking Chicken website. Visit the Boxing Tips website for a short guide to boxing techniques. Interesting info on boxing exercises can be found at the Boxing Workouts website.

Custom Tinted Coloured Contact Lenses

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Custom Tinted Coloured Contact Lenses

If you are aiming to achieve a very unique look then you will be pleasantly surprised to know that some manufactures of contact lenses can make prescription and non-prescription tinted coloured contact lens as per your order.

Custom tinted lenses are made in many different colors and the densities also vary. These lenses are usually semi-translucent and this helps them create a very natural look when worn. They can also be worn to cover an injury to the eye or a congenital defect in the eye or even imitate a healthy pupils form. 

But dont consider custom tinted coloured contacts to be just an aesthetic accessory. More and more people that are professional athletes are opting to wear them to improve their visual performance. This is because they help to reduce glare, provide more depth-perception and increase contrast visibility. For example a professional tennis player can wear contact lenses with a green tint to better see the ball.

Things You Should Know About Colour Contact Lenses

Keep these key points in mind when you are about to buy coloured contact lens:

Even though lenses are available in various sizes to fit and suit all individuals, however there are times when you blink that the lens may slide and not sit properly on the eye. This does not look natural, especially if you are wearing contacts that are opaque.

Remember that the pupils size changes continuously so as to regulate the light that enters your eye. This means that during the night the pupil opens the largest to allow the light to enter the eye, so the larger pupil may cause instances where the vision will be affected. 

It is safe to wear coloured contact lens but you have to make sure that the lenses that you are wearing are prescription, properly worn and cleaned regularly.

It is very important that you consult an eye-care professional to ensure that the contacts that you wear suit you so that you can ascertain that they are safe, look natural and most of all that they are comfortable to wear. 

Custom tinted coloured contact lenses are perfectly safe to wear if you follow the instructions of the eye-care professional, especially on how long you can continuously wear the lenses and when to replace them. 

Most people are advised to wear disposable contact lenses if they wear lenses only occasionally. 

Dos & Donts Of Colour Lenses

Dont swap coloured lenses with anyone. It may sound like a fun thing to do but you should never swap lenses with other friends. Keep in mind that contacts are actually medical devices and custom lenses have been specifically made to your eye. When you swap the lenses there are chances that you may cause an infection that could lead to serious complications.

Do make sure that you properly clean and care for your lenses. To avoid contamination it is prudent to properly clean and store the lenses so that there is no risk of infection. And do remember to replace your custom coloured contact lens as per the directions of your eye-care professional.

Dont wear the lenses if you have sore eyes or are experiencing irritation or redness in your eyes. This may be caused due to an infection therefore immediately refer to a doctor if there is irritation before, after or during lens wear.

Do enjoy the look that custom tinted Coloured Contact Lenses give; be it to enhance your facial attributes or to give you a dramatic look. They allow you to be who you want to be and have the eye color that you want.

Custom Jewellery for Women and All About It

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Custom Jewellery for Women and All About It

What is custom jewelry?

Jewelry designed for a specific person is known as custom jewelry, such jewelry is not meant for general sale. These jewelry are handcrafted by artisans or metal-smiths. These artisans keep consulting with their clients on various occasions so that they can ensure that piece meets the expectations and needs of the client.

Such custom jewelry might also be commissioned for major occasions such as engagements, weddings, as a gift. As for example, a husband might present his wife with customized hand-made necklaces or earrings on occasions of anniversaries or even upon the birth of a child. Parents might gift their children with a custom jewelry on the occasion of their graduation or some other special occasion.

Buying a custom jewelry involves a lot of processes, as it requires the establishment of a relationship between the jeweler and the buyer. The people who go for buying custom jewelry generally go through the portfolios of various jewelers to find a style matching their interests. Customized or personalized jewelry for women is a lot more popular than for men.

After finding a suitable jewellery, the buyer sit and discuss with the jeweller about various aspects of the jewellery, which includes the type of the piece, the gems and metals which are to be used, the general feel and look which is desired by the buyer and also the final cost which the buyer would have to pay to the jeweller. On such meetings the jeweler usually makes certain sketches or drawings of the desired jewelry, the buyer looks at the sketches and decides if any changes need to be made to the final product. The jeweler refines the design to the requirements of the buyer.

Now lets talk about a few things which a buyer needs to consider before shopping for custom jewelry design. Contradictory to what you might believe, personalized jeweler isnt a comfort reserved for the riches and famous. With the help of a bit of preparation and research, anyone can commission for a piece of personalized jewelry for women or men which will fit almost all price points. With the following discuss points you can be a pro at choosing or designing customized jewelry so that from the next time onwards your choice of design turns out to be the best.

Choice of a reputable jeweler

Before the choice of any design, its important to make sure that the jeweler which you use for yourself is a pro at his work. Thus, firstly you need to be sure about the working of the jeweler, he must be a trusted and reputable jeweler and also must have a proven track record. In America, the governing body of Jewellers of America certifies the highly qualified and capable jewelers as Master Jewellers , so as to ensure that the buyers arent fooled. Thus, before you move ahead with the making of a personalized jewelry piece, its absolutely important that you choose a jeweler of your trust.

Take some time before jumping into the decision of getting a customized jewelry

When it comes down to the creation of a piece of art such as a personalized jewelry for women, the very last thing that you would wish to do is to rush through your decision-making phase and also the design. You need to ensure that you do have enough time to for the process at a considerable rate. It would ensure that you would never rush yourself into making rash decisions.

Consideration of different stones

Buyers who wish to buy personalized jewelry generally have specific materials and designs in their minds for their unique pieces. However, the eye of a trained jeweler might be able to find a stone or material which might look better than your chosen stones, which might exceed your wildest dreams.

Staying actively in touch with the jeweler

Buyers generally forget that the making of a personalized jewelry is a collaborative and mutual process. You always need to keep in mind that the jeweler who is making your personalized item is always present to add your new ideas and wishes and mold everything into a beautiful and tangible work of art.

People usually represent their custom styles through jewelry and clothing. Such fashions can evolve and change the trend, and style of stylists and even normal people on special occasions. Such personalized jewelry has become a growing trend nowadays.

Crying baby

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Crying baby

Introduction:

Crying is a normal event in the lives of all babies.When a baby comes out of the woomb the first thing to do is crying.By the first cry he will take some air in to the lungs for the first time in their life.After delivery if the baby doesnot cry then it should be initiated by slightly pinching or gently strocking the feet.From this it is clear that the healthy baby should cry and it is a normal physiological event ,still some times it can upset the mother or family members.

We all know that a baby can't tell his needs or troubles in words. The only way for him to communicate with others is by crying.Babies show some other signs like feet kicking,hand waving and head turning ect.But the best way to take the attention of others is by crying.

Excessive crying may not have a firm definition because the crying habit changes from baby to baby and some babies can be calmed easily but some are difficult to sooth.If crying is distressing for the mother and home nurse it can be called excessive.Many a times baby become quiet by giving breast milk or by carrying with a gentle rocking.Sudden onset of excessive crying means baby is distressed and needs attention.The causes of crying extends from simple reasons to life threatening conditions.Hence crying of a baby should not be ignored.

Most of the time it is difficult to find the cause of the cry .Common causes are discussed here for awareness.

Common reasons for crying: 1,Hunger:--

A hungry baby will cry till he gets the milk. Here the old saying comes true'crying baby gets the milk'.

2,Wetting:--

Urination and defecation causes some discomfort and results in crying till his parts are cleaned and made dry .

3,Company:--

Majority of the kids need somebody near. If they feel lonely they cry.When their favourite doll slips away from the grip they cry for help. 4,Tired:--

When the baby is tired after a journey and unable to sleep just cry simply.They feel tired in uncomfortable sourroundings and due to unhealthy climate.

5,Heat & cold:--

If they feel too hot or too cold they become restless and cry. Child is comfortable in a room with good ventilation.

6,Tight cloathing:--

Tight cloaths especially during warm climate is intolerable for kids.Tight elastic of the the dress can also produce soreness in the hip region.

7,Dark room:--

When the baby wakes up from sleep he needs some dim light.If there is darkness he will disturb the sleep of parents by crying.Ofcourse he will be irritated by strong light resulting in cry.

8,Mosquito:--

Yes,these creatures disturb the sleep by their blood sucking and make the baby to cry.

9,Nasal blocking:--

Child may not be able to sleep when there is a cold and go on crying till the passage is open.

Create A Nursing Area For Your Child

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Create A Nursing Area For Your Child

Once you've reached the third trimester, you'll probably start stocking up on nursing bras, breast pads, and loose button down shirts for the coming months ahead. While getting ready to breast feed, you can also create your personal area, a custom designed breast feeding area for yourself.

Your nursing area should reflect your personality. If you like a loud, yet friendly surrounding, you should consider setting in a corner of the living room or family room. Keep an extra chair or two near you so family members or even friends can keep you company.

If you prefer peace and quiet, a cozy study or empty guest room would be ideal. You can close the door, dim the lights down, then take a few deep, calming breaths while you breast feed.

Your own chair

No matter if it's a glider, overstuffed recliner, or desk chair with wheels, you should make sure your nursing chair is very comfortable. You'll be sitting in the chair for hours each day, so you'll want it to be very comfortable. You should always look for one that offers back and shoulder support, along with arm rests.

Support underfoot

You can use a footstool, low coffee table or a stack of pillows to elevate your feet as you breast feed. If you raise your legs and feet to bring your baby to your breast, you'll avoid possible backache.

Pillows and more pillows

Your neck, arms, feet, and back will need as much support as you can give, so don't hesitate to surround your body with pillows. If you lay a pillow across your lap for your baby to lay on, he'll be very comfortable and that much closer to your nipple. For extra comfort, you can even purchase a specially made nursing pillow that will encircle your waist.

Table for one

You should always keep a small table or stand within arm's length of your breast feeding chair. What you use should be big enough to hold a coaster and glass of liquid. Some women prefer to drink through a straw, while others prefer to drink from the glass.

You'll also want to keep healthy snacks on hand as well, such as fresh fruit, nuts, or crackers and peanut butter to help you replace the energy you use while you breast feed.

Distractions

If your baby is a slow eater or has a really big appetite, you may want to keep yourself busy while he feeds. You can fill the shelves of a nearby cupboard or bookcase with your favorite books or crossword puzzles to occupy yourself until your baby is full. You should also keep a phone nearby as well so that you can talk to family or friends to pass the time.

Crafting the Best Content for an Adventure Travel Blog

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Crafting the Best Content for an Adventure Travel Blog

An adventure travel blog is a great way to fuel your passion for writing while exploring the world. There are so many benefits, its hard to imagine why everybody hasnt started one.

Blogging is huge business. Although its difficult to know the exact number, its been estimated that there are currently over 440 million blogs worldwide. With this much competition, its no surprise that many get lost in the shuffle.

For an adventure travel blog to stand out, it must constantly feature killer content. Here are a few tips for getting started.

Be Consistent With Your Adventure Travel Blog

While its easy to get distracted with planning new adventures, its important to stick to a consistent writing schedule. Bloggers who stop posting for months at a time may be unpleasantly surprised to find that their readers didnt sit around waiting for them. Internet users have short attention spans, and blogs that go stale are quickly forgotten.

Stay Inspired

Its difficult for a travel blogger to come up with content while sitting at home on the couch. Booking frequent trips keeps you inspired and ensures you will always have new topics to fuel your blogging efforts.

Thanks to the convenient new service Barcelona Transfer QuickTransfer, travel bloggers no longer have to worry about wandering around cities looking for their destinations. This service, available in many countries worldwide, makes it easy to book a car online.

Theres something to be said about the confidence of knowing a professional driver will pick you up and deliver you directly to your chosen location.

Get Visual

Humans are visual creatures.

This is an important key to remember when crafting your adventure travel blog. While visiting foreign locations, always be on the lookout for unique and breathtaking photo opportunities.

When you craft your blog posts, be sure to integrate as many of these photos as possible.

Dont be afraid to think outside the box. Instead of photographing the same tourist attraction that is featured on hundreds of other sites, find a different perspective. Use candid photos of locals to capture the spirit of the location, play with lighting and angles, and take the time to go off the beaten path.

Integrate with Social Media

Instagram and Facebook are excellent ways to promote your adventure travel blog. This exposes content to a broader audience and allows readers to engage on whatever platform theyre most comfortable using.

An adventure travel blog that has a consistent following is much more likely to thrive.

When your fans are loyal and willing to share your posts, youve essentially created a marketing team who is willing to work for free. Keep creating killer posts, and there is always the chance of going viral.

Keep Up with the Latest News

Blogging is a craft that requires equal amounts of passion and technique. Writers who fail to sharpen their skills may find that they fall behind the pack.

Make sure your blog is the best it can be by following the ArticleCity blog for the industrys best content marketing tips and tricks.

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Courtrooms, Cameras, Police, Kop busters &Yolanda Madden

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Courtrooms, Cameras, Police, Kop busters &Yolanda Madden

Here in Illinois, at least in DuPage County, when one walks into the county courthouse one is not allowed to take so much as a camera phone in. Ive often wondered about this. Ive thought to myself, at times, "I wonder what theyre so afraid of." It seems to me that this is a public building, so arent the citizens of the county the actual owners? If they want to film on their own property, shouldnt they be able to do so with impunity? If they want to take pictures of their public servants, doesnt it make sense that they should be able to? Other counties in other states allow cameras and filming in their courtrooms, and if we are to have an open and honest judiciary system it seems to me that the best way to keep them on the up and up is to be able to film and record their activities. And yet, for some reason, the state of Illinois feels too paranoid to allow cameras into this supposedly public venue.

I believe that some would reason that cameras arent allowed in the courtrooms because those who would dispense justice contend that allowing citizens to have cameras in the courtroom would disrupt proceedings. Well, I can say that as a father who has raised five children that Ive been to many a school recital where over zealous parents have brought numerous video and flash cameras and the proceedings were hardly disrupted. It seems to me that if a group of nervous school children can pull off a performance in front of the lights and bustle of parental recording, a group of serious men who have been arguing cases in front of each other for years should be able to perform their jobs in front of quiet adults with video cameras. Besides, as Ive said earlier, this is a public forum and certainly the public should be aware of what its servants are doing and what they can expect should they ever be accused of participating in some sort of crime and be forced to partake in a trial.

So, I wonder why no cameras are allowed in Illinois courtrooms. I wonder what theyre afraid of. Perhaps its not justice they dispense, but injustice. Perhaps if we citizens were to start videotaping these proceedings from beginning to end it would be easier for us to discover that our justice system is actually corrupted to the core, from top to bottom. I seem to remember that when I was growing up the justice system of the United States of America was the pride of many of the adults I knew and trusted. It was said to be one of the best in the world because everyone was supposed to be "innocent until proven guilty" and our officials were incorruptible. At least, thats what I was taught. It doesnt seem to be that way anymore. Perhaps if we could bring our cameras into the courtroom and see the evidence that judges dont allow and hear some of the pretrial motions that seem to predetermine the outcome of a trial, perhaps then the general public would have a better understanding of just how rotten our justice system has become.

But courtrooms arent the only place video cameras in the hands of common citizens have become unwelcome. It seems police on the street have become paranoid of humans bearing cameras as well as judges in courtrooms. Their paranoia is evident in many Youtube videos where we see these miscreants demanding cameras be put down. These are the same officers of the law who would make the claim that one has nothing to fear from them if one has done nothing wrong. They would state that one need not worry about ones rights being violated so long as one has broken no laws. But in these Youtube videos one can see that it is no wonder the police are afraid of cameras. It becomes blatantly obvious as we watch the misguided officers violating the civil rights of human beings and that is the greater law being violated by them, not by the citizenry.

And yet the deception created by such actions and paranoia does not end there. Its fingers creep out into society and affect us all. Many do not even realize the extent to which the corruption has spread. The mainstream media refuses to inform the general public which many of the older folks are still addicted to. Many in this older generation refuse to believe that their public servants are no longer servants of the public, but are instead trained to control and manipulate. The servants have become the masters and we are to obey them or be crushed. They will stop at nothing to perpetuate the perception that they are always in the right and will stoop to the lowest low to promote the illusion that they can do no wrong.

It is the common man using the tools that modern technology has made affordable that has exposed this, not the mainstream media which seems to have forgotten or neglected its usefulness as a check and balance on the power of government. The youth of this country are beginning to understand that it is up to the citizenry to protect their own rights, that no one else will do it for them and that those entrusted with such a duty will only run roughshod over them if given half a chance. That is why we are seeing the old media dying, a new media springing to life to replace it and those in power becoming afraid. They run when the light of truth is shone upon them and the people are better off because of this.

Take as an example the case of Yolanda Madden from Odessa, Texas. She was sentenced to eight years in prison for possession of methamphetamines. "Whats the big deal about that?" the most indoctrinated among us might ask, "She broke the law and she needs to be punished!" they might cry. Im not going to use this space to explain the argument about the right of someone to decide for himself what to do with his own body and how despicable this thing called by some "the war on drugs" is. The necessity for us to grant freedom to others so that we can have it for ourselves is self evident. The problem with Yolandas case is that it was all a lie. The drugs they found on her were planted by a police informant. How do I know this? Its a matter of public record. The informant testified as such in court. Both the informant and Yolanda passed many tests to prove her innocence. Even that didnt matter to the corrupt system. She was still found guilty and sentenced. She has already lost years of her life sitting in prison when she could have been contributing to society in a positive way.

The police lied. They lied about many things. There is video tape of the bust that they said didnt exist. They lied when they said they didnt have evidence planted. They lied when they claimed she broke down and cried at the traffic stop and allowed them to search her vehicle. They continue to lie. The injustice that their lies bring is immeasurable. The harm they continue to do not only to the people that were wronged, but to the reputation of the American justice system is massive. To those who say "the law is the law," I say "wrong is wrong." What the police did was wrong. The law is secondary. When we spot injustice, we should all demand that it stop and that those wronged are made right again. Remember, if something like this can happen to someone like Yolanda, it can happen to your son or daughter or even to you. Where is Yolanda, or anyone else for that matter, supposed to get their justice when the justice system is so compromised?

Enter Kopbusters. This group of brave individuals has decided to take on the establishment using the same methods that corrupted law enforcement has been using for years. Normally I would be against entrapment, because normally entrapment is used when a thought crime and not a real crime has been committed, but in this case a real crime was committed and I feel a taste of ones own medicine is justified. So Kopbusters set up a couple of Christmas trees inside a house and through lack of jurisprudence and proper investigative work, the police came to believe that a large grow operation was in fact taking place inside that house. A judge improperly issued a fourth amendment warrant and the police improperly served said warrant. Cameras inside the house caught the video of the illegal activity and streamed it live so that the video could not be confiscated and later "lost." The police and the judge in this case, if justice is to be served for the people of Texas, should be in some real trouble and should face criminal prosecution, but we shall see just how deep the corruption of the system goes.

All this was done to shine a light upon the Yolanda Madden case. Who knows how many cases like hers are out there? Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands? Its hard to say. Now, the Odessa authorities are scrambling to do some damage control. They are trying to find out if any laws were broken in regards to the sting operation. They are seeking the identity of an anonymous tipster. They are not saying "thank you for exposing such behavior" to the men and women of Kopbusters. They are not promising to hold those responsible accountable for their actions. They arent so much as talking about cleaning up the corruption or making things right for Yolanda and her family. They are looking for an excuse to put someone in jail and hide behind some inane law so that they can continue their corrupt ways. They arent supposed to issue warrants based on the word of anonymous tipsters, so seeking the identity of one seems irrelevant and beside the point. These people need to admit their mistakes and face the music. They need to free those theyve wrongfully imprisoned and stop imprisoning those who havent harmed anyone. They need to stop acting like a criminal gang and once again become the peace officers that at one time were the envy of the world.

The police and the justice system continue to investigate this case not because they want to right the wrongs theyve committed, but because they want to try to spin it into a political win by shifting the focus from Yolanda to some anonymous tipster who doesnt matter. It wont work. The people are mad, and well they should be. They are mad about the abuse that has taken place. They are mad that their rights are no longer honored. They are mad that their money is stolen by this corrupt system. They are letting their anger show. You were caught red handed, gentlemen, admit your mistakes and take your punishment like the men you are supposed to be and quit whining and crying "no fair" like sniveling cowards.

If you are interested in learning more about Yolanda Maddens case and Kopbusters, visit their website at here.
The people of Kopbusters are, in my humble opinion, true American patriots working to protect the rights of the individual and the principles upon which our country was founded. They should be applauded and supported by anyone interested in maintaining the principles of freedom and liberty.

Could Baby Milk Formula End Obesity

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Could Baby Milk Formula End Obesity

In developed countries obesity is becoming the number one health concern. Obesity starts young in life but scientists are now developing an infant milk formula that is designed to prevent obesity in later life. At the moment this research is in its infancy, but could milk formula really save your child from obesity in later life? And, more importantly, is it safe?

Everyone in the medical and scientific establishment agrees that breastfeeding is best for babies. Unlike, infant formula, breast milk is organic and contains many hormones, nutrients and antibodies that are beneficial to a developing baby. Studies have also suggested that babies who are exclusively breastfed are far less likely to be obese in later life.

But why do babies who are breastfed less likely to become fat in later life? Professor Mike Cawthorne of Buckingham University believes he knows the answer. Breastmilk contains a hormone called leptin whereas baby formula does not. He has carried out extensive studies on rats and his research shows that feeding leptin to baby rats stops them from becoming overweight as adults.

He states that: 'The supplemented milks are simply adding back something that was originally present - breast milk contains leptin and formula feeds don't.

'You would only take this for a short time, very early in life. We know that breastfed offspring have less of a tendency towards obesity in adult life.'

He goes on to say, 'I'm not in the least suggesting that it will cure world-wide obesity, but it's something that could make a difference.'

So, is adding leptin to baby formula the answer? Could infant formula fortified with leptin be as common as say, infant formula fortified with DHA and ARA, after all these are also found in breast milk?

Many scientists, health professionals and organisations are a little sceptical about whether leptin-enhanced infant formula would stop adult obesity and they are also concerned about the potential health risks.

They point out that the only way of proving this theory would be to carry out extensive field trials. Dr Nick Finer of the Wellcome Clinical Research Facility states that: 'The concept that adding something to a food that could permanently alter brain development is exciting but at the same time so scary'. He asks the question, 'Would the first trials be on newly-born children?'

Others also argue that leptin does not necessarily prevent obesity in later life; environmental factors such as food education by one's parent have a more significant role in preventing obesity. Dr Ian Campbell, medical director of Weight Concern states: 'To date, leptin has proved to be a great disappointment. Most of us have plenty and true deficiencies are rare. In fact, obese people tend to have it in higher-than-normal levels.'

Leptin being added to infant formula during its manufacture is a long way off and may never actually happen. Many seek quick fix solutions rather than take ownership of a problem. The chances are that if parents raise their children to appreciate food and to have a healthy respect for it and their bodies, they won't suffer from obesity, and all the problems it brings, in later life.

Coping with Divorce

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Coping with Divorce

A bad marriage can make parenting and life in general stressful. The loss of the family structure can be very upsetting and distressing for everyone involved in the major change.

Despite divorce being on the increase around the world, parents often feel at a loss when searching for practical support. They also feel overwhelmed, confused, afraid, resentful, or completely frozen in panic about how to handle the changes in their family's way of life.

Sometimes this fear manifests itself as animosity, which turns the whole divorce process into a battle, with children trapped in the middle and feeling powerless.

Divorce needn't be like this. Parents can make positive, healthy choices during this very emotional time and make the transition less painful for everyone.

Divorce isn't about winners and losers. It's about working out a way to handle the separation with dignity and compassion and minimising the disruption to your children emotionally. This article offers numerous approaches and strategies for making the experience of divorce as positive and healthy as possible.

Presenting a united front: Telling the kids

I've worked with many parents going through divorce and one of the main worries is how to tell their children about what is going to happen and what to actually say to them.

Children naturally fear that they'll lose one of their parents in divorce or that their parents will abandon them. They also fear the changes and disruptions that divorce inevitably brings to their family. Children often blame themselves.

When a marriage becomes troubled, a couple often relies on old habits of interacting, which lead to fights rather than solutions. If those old habits didn't lead to constructive solutions during the marriage, they'll surely reap no better results during the divorce. You may not have been a united front while married, but you and your partner must take this opportunity for the good of your children to work together.

The following sections cover various activities I lead parents through to help them and their children cope with divorce.

Critical question

One of the let things I ask parents to do is to work out together the answer to this critical question: What are the key messages you want to convey to your children? Consider:

- Your child's need to feel reassured that you will both always be his parents and be there to support, nurture, guide, and love him.

- Your child's need to express himself and his feelings this may include anger, silence, denial, bravado, or pleading.

- You need to weigh up whether each parent tells each child separately, or all together. If you can manage to speak to them together, this gives and opportunity for them to see that you're not blaming each other, that they don't have to take sides, and that you're both still there for them.

- Think about the sort of questions your children are likely to ask. Will we still see you and spend time with you?' Who will take us to football training?' Who will we live with and where will we live?' Will we have to change school?' Will we still see Grandma?' You need to explain that at the moment you don't have all the answers but reassure them that you'll have more clarity and answers soon and they don't need to worry.

From your child's perspective

I ask parents to place a piece of paper on the floor, step onto it, and imagine they're looking at the situation from the eyes of their child. I then ask them to answer the following questions as if they were the child:

- What do you see and hear around you at the moment? - How do you feel?

How could Mum and Dad make you feel better? What could they do or say?

Reassurances and guarantees

I ask parents to write seven reassurances and guarantees that they can honestly give to their child in a graphic wheel. The reassurances and guarantees are things that will help their child cope with the enormous changes that are coming.

Be honest don't hedge around the difficulties. Don't give false promises that you can't keep because you destroy their confidence and belief in you at a critical time in your relationship. Give them information but not too much give details of things in the not-too-distant future.

Working together

I also help divorcing parents develop some co-parenting strategies. For example:

- Plan and agree on what both parents will say before they talk to their children. This helps to avoid mixed messages, which can confuse and really distress children.

- Look at the benefits of telling the children together or individually.

- Work on overcoming the blame' mentally and the feeling that the divorce must be someone's fault. - Look for ways to avoid making children feel that they must take sides.

- Try to take the emotional charge out of telling the children

- Help each parent gain more control over his or her distressing feelings and emotions during this difficult moment.

I think it's helpful to remember that divorce changes but it does not end a family. Your children are now members of two families with all the positive experiences that this can also bring to their lives. It's about your positive and confident handling of the situation that will make all the difference.

Coping With A Child With Aspergers Violence

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Coping With A Child With Aspergers Violence

Aspergers violence can be a real problem. It still remains to be seen if outbursts of violence are a direct result of Aspergers. There is also evidence that these outbursts could be caused by the presence of a co-existing psychiatric disorder. Either way, parents need help dealing with their child and Aspergers violence. There are some ways to do this. When a child behaves inappropriately, he is fulfilling the need to do one or more of the following:

1. Avoid something that needs to be done, such as obeying a parent.

2. Get something his or her way

3. To get attention

4. To manage pain and reduce feelings of psychological hurt of physical discomfort

5. Fulfill a sensory need, perhaps feeling hot, cold, thirst, hunger, etc.

To deal with these issues you will have to be very concrete with your child. Trying to reason or debate with your child will not work to curb Aspergers violence. You child needs to satisfy their needs, not acquiesce with your wants. You child is not likely to empathize with you or acknowledge objections to their behavior. Simply tell your child that what they want is not appropriate or that their behavior is unacceptable. Emphasize that they are expected to follow the rules and this will help in modifying the behavior. Don't give in to hitting, throwing things, or yelling.

Another way to stop aggression is through the use of behavior modification. Determine what need is not being met when the unacceptable behavior comes up. Then offer a replacement behavior for the Aspergers violence. For example, if your child wants a glass of water, teach them to ask for it by name or point to it. Also, you can design an emotion card which shows a glass of water and your child can point to it. Some children use a non-verbal system of communication to indicate their wants and needs. One such system is called PECS.

The maintenance of a daily routine is very effective in preventing incidence of Aspergers violence. Consistent behaviors, obligations and routines will help your child. The stability provided by a routine is comforting and it helps to lessen their need to make demands on you. When you eliminate some of the situations that trigger your child to be demanding, you can eliminate some of the stress that causes you child to show aggression to get your attention. Children who get what they want with Aspergers violence or aggression are likely to continue to use that violence. Your child must learn to communicate appropriately to get needs met. This may take some time, but training your child out of this behavior is possible.

A behavior modification program could be very helpful. A program such as this is designed for the individual, since Aspergers children vary so widely from one to the other. Remember that some treatment approaches can work in some cases but not others. Also, children with Aspergers can have a difficult time generalizing their learning from one setting to another. Aspergers violence might be modified or cured at home, but then it might still be a problem at school. Work with teachers to address the behavior at school.

It is clear that at times Aspergers and violence can appear together. As a parent there are various approaches that you can take to attempt to reduce the problems that this can cause. First of all try to adopt some of the tactics mentioned in the article, and also seek the appropriate professional help.

Co-Parenting What To Do with Lateness or No-Shows with Your Ex

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Co-Parenting What To Do with Lateness or No-Shows with Your Ex

Albert Einstein when asked of "Relativity" answered with this. "Relativity: An hour sitting with a pretty girl on a park bench passes like a minute, but a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour." So what does this have to do with your Ex showing up late? Don't we all know how long 10 minutes can be when you're the one who's doing the waiting ... and also how quickly it flies by when you're running late!

Watching your clock for the past 45 minutes, you've just managed to finish it on time. You've got your kids to help you transform the house from the play-ground bomb-site it was, into something that looks like you'll enjoy it for the child-free-weekend that's about to start.

You wait, they wait, you look at your watch and think, "Hurry up will you! Don't you know I can only hold this tidy home for so long before boredom sets in and they start playing again?!"

20 minutes has now passed and you've heard nothing from him. The kids are wondering, you're dreading and the realisation that your child-free-weekend is about to become only a wishful thought.

You phone, text, or try and get hold of him - nothing. What do you do?

Worse yet, you're the one left having to tell the kids that they're not seeing their father tonight - and you can take a fairly good guess why not too.

What you're about to learn is how you can avoid the no-shows. You'll learn what to do with consistent lateness and you'll learn the answers to if, when, and how to talk to your children about it.

Let's clarify here, what we're talking about here is when this happens frequently, so it's almost habitual. The slip ups now and then are understandable, and really, that's part of life. We need to allow our Ex's to be human after all and not cain them if it's rare. This is when it's a regular issue.

First up, you're quite right, it's very frustrating. It's also very hurtful.

Part of the reason it happens is because you're providing the back-stop so your Ex knows that the children will be safe and he's not leaving them on the sidewalk alone.

Another big part of it is that he simply doesn't respect you - and part of that is your plans.

This is not because he doesn't love the children, or that he's a bad person. It's a lack of respect for you and that can often be part of what you've tolerated in the relationship where you've made things very comfortable for him so he's oblivious to what difference it makes for you anyway.

After all, if you've kept things positive for the children, when he does turn up 45 mins late, the kids run out, arms wide to greet him, all excited about him turning up.

He doesn't know that it took you an hour to get the house tidy and now that's going to take another 20 minutes to return it to how it was if he wasn't late.

He doesn't necessarily care what plans you've got to juggle. Especially if it's competing with his important work function that took longer than expected.

It's not to get at you - it's just it's made easy for him so he'll take the bad mood in favour of the recognition at work.

"All very well 'n good", you say, "what do I do about this?"

The good news, there are several things you can to make this change...

Since it's usually not a malicious act, it's more just thoughtless, take the time to think through a way to remove yourself from being inconvenienced by his sloppiness.

In other words, place a gap between you and your Ex for handovers. Don't even try doing it at the neutral meeting place because otherwise McDonalds will start becoming your second home. Remove yourself completely.

In one of the emails I sent out a little while back I talked about the strategy that many after-school-care providers do. They've learnt how to compete with the 'poor prioritised person' and they hit where it hurts. They sting them a dollar for each minute they're late ... imagine how quickly that adds up!

Very quickly they grow respect for the rules because they don't like parting with the money.

I'd like to add here, you're not in a position to do this. You're emotionally and biologically connected to this person through your children, so to try and sting them financially is going to end poorly.

This is why it's important you remove yourself from being the one who has to 'be the backstop' for their sloppiness.

"What about when it's a No Show all night yet they turn up the following day and expect to take the kids then?"

This is harder because you've already had your weekend plans stuffed up - and now you're powerless when they confront you.

Usually the kids still want to see them, so you look really bad having it out with them in the drive way saying "Nup, you can't have them because you didn't show up yesterday!" Depending on the ages of the children, they may even agree, but it's a hard one to fight.

So, instead have a back-up plan of your own.

Make sure you've told him that the next time this happens you will not be here with the children for the entire weekend so he'll miss out until the next weekend when it's his turn. Be non-threatening in your tone. It's a statement you make while you're sure you're not defensive about it.

The next time it happens, pack up the children and go away with them for a great weekend of fun together. Take a tent somewhere and roast marshmallows, sleep out under the stars and have some time back in nature. If it's winter, find a warm place ahead of time so you know what you're doing. Yes, you're inconvenienced, but you've got to remove yourself from any confrontation while you send a strong message to him.

Avoid going to your parents place or a friend's place that's a logical place for him to come and start the quarrel. If the kids need to miss their sports for the weekend, do it for just one weekend. You need to be strong, to break the disrespectful cycle. Remember it needs to be a place that you feel safe and that lends itself to a good time together.

You may do this a couple of times before the message gets through but to most, they get it after that. Of course there will always be exceptions, however most fathers who genuinely want to spend quality time with their children will get the message and change their behaviour.

If you've got questions, suggestions, or comments to this, I'd love to hear from you ... please post a comment below or email me.

There is a lot more on this topic obviously, and I go into more detail inside my "Routines That Rock" program where you'll be able to watch a series of videos that will help you develop good strong routines in your family for the benefit of you and your children.

Before I sign off though I'd like to cover another point that is very important.

Do you cover up your Ex's problems with your children?

Many people feel that they're left to lie or cover up over what their Ex should have to explain themselves. It's a hard position to be left in and one that builds large resentment.

The point is, you know the ages and stages of development for each of your children - and the answer to this very much depends on both of these.

If your children are young, you should never lie to them, but you should most certainly protect them. These are adult issues, not child issues. To heap these sorts of problems on young shoulders is unfair to them.

The biggest gift you can give your children is for them to be given the freedom to love their other parent fully. Sure they'll have to deal with the let-downs, the frustrations, the disrespect, and so on, that you've had to deal with in due time, but let them be mature enough to have enough context developed to deal with that.

Your children need to know that making mistakes, being human, and stuffing up will have it's consequences but not a slammed door in their face.

So, while it's important they are told the truth, it is what version or what part of the truth that needs to be told that you'll need to develop wisdom over.

The best strategy here is to keep 90% of your explanation on what you know, how great it is that they get to spend the weekend with you, and what you're going to do with them now. Avoid 90% of your conversation on your frustrations or everything that you've got to reschedule now you've been dumped in it again.

Keep positive and remember, it may take time - years in fact - but this too will pass.

As I already mentioned, there's a lot more on this topic so I encourage you to enroll at my 'Routines That Rock' program where you'll gain more answers in greater detail.

You can start today and receive:

A series of videos with me walking you through each aspect of routines and making them work with your children and Ex.
Worksheets to help you sort out what the best routine is for your family.
A checklist to avoid items forgotten at handovers.
And you get to ask me your routine-related questions throughout the program.

These are real answers to your Routine problems - and they can be solved today.

Had enough of paying expensive lawyers and getting no-where?

You only get to raise your children once - don't leave it to chance - your kids are worth it!

Warmest :o)
Jill Darcey

Co-parenting Guidelines

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Co-parenting Guidelines

Co-Parenting Guidelines

1. Every child has the right to have a happy childhood, free of unnecessary stress, parental fighting and bickering, parental alienation, being put in the middle, being embarrassed by his parents behavior, being exposed to or made aware of court documents, hearings, attorney visits, etc.

2. Do not discuss your problems with or feelings about the other parent in front of your child or on the telephone where he can overhear what you are saying about his other parent. Do not discuss legal matters with your attorney or anyone else where the child can hear. Do not allow any significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband, friend or family member disparage your childs other parent in front of the child.

3. When your child calls the other parent or if the other parent calls your child while in your care, please remember to give him/her privacy and quiet when he is on the phone. No speaker phones are allowed and no one else needs to be in the room monitoring everything he says. Get in the habit of telling your child that his other parent is going to call at a certain time so he will not be preoccupied with a movie or television or other things. Make that a special time for him. Allow him to go to his room or walk to some designated area of your home where he can have privacy and can talk freely.

4. Please call each other and refer to each other by first name. You have known each other for many years, loved each other, had a baby together. It is much more civil and healthy for your child to hear you call the other parent by their first name as opposed to Mr. Smith and Mrs. Baker.

5. Both of you need to express a desire to have a civil relationship with each other now and in the future. YOU must be willing to change old patterns, embrace new patterns to co-parenting, be civil to each other for the sake of your child. Even if you have not been kind to the other parent in the past, today is a new day. Begin again and choose to act in a mature, healthy way for your child. You CAN do it. Put your child first from now on. He has given up enough. Now it is your turn to give up a few things: being right, being selfish, making things easier on yourself, trying to make things convenient for yourself, having the last word, bringing up the past, being unwilling to forgive and move forward.

6. There is no excuse for your child not being able to speak with his/her parent for more than a day. Encourage your child to call his other parent at least once a day or at the very least, every other day. If, however, it works best for the parent to call the child, then do nothing to hinder or avoid that important phone call from your childs other parent. There is no place for games, not answering the phone, or avoiding the phone call and never having the child call the parent back. This is disrespectful and teaches your child to disrespect his parent and to be deceptive, too. These are not lessons you want your child to learn from you. That will backfire on you later. Always inform the other parent of where the child is, address and phone number where he can reached if on a trip, give an itinerary to the parent before you leave town, and have your child call Mom/Dad every day just to touch base and so Mom/Dad wont worry.

7. Remember: whatever you go through, your child goes through. It hurts children emotionally to see two grown adults who once loved each other fight and argue about everything. It also hurts them emotionally to see parents going to court all the time to settle the simplest of things. That is NOT the way to teach conflict resolution skills to your child. Do not REACT------merely RESPOND. Always treat the other parent like you would want to be treated.

9. Of course, there should not be any drinking or smoking in front of your child and do not allows others to do so. He should never be in the car with anybody who has been drinking. There should be no cussing or foul language in front of your child. Whatever words he hears come out of your mouth to others, believe me, those same words will come back at you at a later date. If you dont cuss or allow anyone in your presence to cuss, its amazing how your child will learn that you do not tolerate bad behavior from anyone----not even him when he is a teenager or adult. You have to set the standards NOW when he is young. Of course, your child should not be exposed to any form of abuse of any kind. He should not be exposed to X-rated or pornographic materials, movies with explicit sexual content, Internet, etc.

9. Neither parent will question or grill the child about events or persons at his other home. It is nice to say something like, Tell me about how much fun you had at Mom/Dad/s home, but do NOT ask, Well, tell me, was that WOMAN/MAN in the house again? Did he/she sleep alone or with your Mommy/Daddy? Do not ask, Was your step-mother/step-father NICE to you this time? Do you want to live with Mommy or Daddy? Where do you have more fun----at Dads or Moms? Do not ask your child to keep a secret from the other parent. Do not ask your child to spy for you at his other home.

10. It would be extremely beneficial for your child if the two of you could agree on what forms of discipline should be used for misbehavior. Small infractions should receive light discipline. Bigger problems should receive more serious discipline. Some experts have said no discipline should last more than 24 hours in length. That is up to you and it depends on the offense. It would be great if you two could come up with creative ideas of what consequences there will be for misbehavior of various kinds. You need to be consistent with discipline just like you should be consistent with bedtimes, times to get up for school, etc. How confusing it can be for a child when he misbehaves, for example, he tells a lie or is dishonest in some way and one parent takes away all privileges, all television, Ipods, computers, makes him go to bed at 7 instead of 8, for example, and does all of this for eight weeks, and the other parent says, Well, darling you should not lie, but you learned that from your Daddy/Mommy, so I am not going to punish you at all. Youre just like your Mommy/Daddy! Its not your fault. These are true-real-life examples of bad parenting or no parenting skills. The only person who suffers is the child.

11. Reward good behavior. Do not reward bad behavior. Anyone who has ever trained a dog knows that even a dog responds better to positive reinforcement than negative. You can make a dog eventually do what you want by beating him or shaming him or withholding food from him (all abuse), but he will suffer internally, emotionally, mentally, physically, he might turn into a mean, hostile dog and nobody will want to be around him. He will be filled with so much anger, it will come out at everyone he comes into contact with. The same is for a child. All of us have been unfortunate enough to it at the table next to a child who acts out, yells at his parent or sibling, hits people or animals, throws tantrums, and all the rest, until the parents give in and give him what he wants. And parents wonder, Where on earth did he learn to act like that? Why is he so angry? Why is he so sad? or whatever the situation is. Look at what he has been fed-------kindness, gentleness, respect, love, soft voices, comfort or has he been fed a constant diet of bitterness, anger, shame, worry, conflict, foul language, hatred, yelling? You are what you eat and you are what you have been around. Remember the poem, Children Learn What They Live. Its true. It has been said we become just like the ones we hang around. I have seen many examples of this----good and bad.

12. The biological parents do the disciplining, not step-parents, not boyfriends/girlfriends, other family members. It is YOUR responsibility to raise a positive, happy, healthy, well-mannered, pleasant-to-be-around child who will grow into an adult with the same qualities. Parenting is incredibly hard work if done correctly. Unfortunately you do not see much of the fruit of your labor until the child is grown and gone from your home. Then the world will see what kind of job you did with this precious child you were given to nurture and love for the first 18 years of his life. He is watching you every moment of every day, learning how to treat people, how to treat himself, how to love, how to hate, how to forgive, how to let go, how to speak, how to write, how to eat, how to sleep. We really are products of our environments more than we like to acknowledge.

13. Instead of saying, I miss you! when your child is with the other parent, say, I love you!

14. Never, ever pass messages, notes, money, cards, objects to return, child support papers, etc. through your child.

15. In emails you write to one another keep the letters BIFF in mind. Be BRIEF, INFORMATIVE, FRIENDLY, AND FIRM. This acronym is mentioned in the book,
Its All YOUR Fault by Bill Eddy, Esq. who has found it helpful with high-conflict families.

16. Love your child more than you hate your ex.

17. In a difficult situation or when trying to discuss your child with each other, remember these letters: EAR. Give the other parent EMPATHY, ATTENTION, and RESPECT. Then, when you need to be heard and need to vent, your former partner will do the same for you. Again, this is mentioned in the book Its All YOUR Fault by Eddy.

18. The most important gift you will ever give your child in his lifetime is the gift of a strong co-parenting relationship. By doing so, you are removing stress, doubt, pain, and much suffering from his life now and in the future when he tries to be successful at relationships. You are also building his self-esteem and strengthening his identity. You are allowing your child to love both parents and himself. No one else can give him this gift. No one but you. Your childs future depends on it.

19. If and when you ever re-marry, remember to consider your childs feelings about the new spouse or step-parent. Do not encourage or allow your child to call the step-parent Mommy or Daddy. Those are terms of endearment reserved for only one person in life. Help them to find another way of expressing their affection or love for their step-parent. If your child has serious reservations or concerns about the new love of your life, listen to your child and do whatever is necessary to find out why he/she feels that way. Perhaps attend some sessions of family counseling or consult with your pastor or other respected mentor for answers before you enter into marriage with that person. Blended families are hard work and the divorce rate for second marriages with children is about 70%.

20. Above all else, remember in every situation, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU! Its all about your child.

Conclusion for time management - Plan Prioritize and organize

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Conclusion for time management - Plan Prioritize and organize

As many of us are painfully aware, time is a valuable but limited resource that we never seem to have enough of. In the increasingly hectic and fast-paced world in which we live, there is a pressing need to learn how to manage time as efficiently as possible. This article presents a brief overview of why you need to plan, prioritize, and organize your time more efficiently.

To develop good time management skills is to embark on a journey taken by many people in the past. This journey is simply following a path of proven principles that will help us gain control of our time. It is a journey that can begin only after a person realizes the need to use time more efficiently.

Your time can be capably managed by planning, prioritizing, organizing and knowing how to effectively deal with competing activities.

First, planning ahead is a key component to managing your time. Carefully look at every activity that you will need to do in the week ahead. Next, prioritize in ranking order the items that are most urgent or have a deadline for completion. Finally, Organize your activities by scheduling each one in your daily planner, calendar, or personal digital assistant (PDA).

By actually scheduling the things you need to do in your calendar, you have in effect reserved a block of time to do these things, and you will be more likely to get them done than if you had not scheduled them.

Time management is an art in itself that includes arranging, organizing, scheduling and budgeting time. This helps us become more productive and efficient at work, school, and all other activities.

When it comes to learning about how to manage time more effectively, you will find many self-help books, articles, and other written material on the topic of time management. In addition to written material, there are many time management classes, workshops and seminars specifically designed to equip people with time management tools. With a plethora of information available, there is really no good reason not to educate oneself in the fundamentals of time management.

In conclusion, we have seen that time management can be accomplished by planning, prioritizing, and organizing your activities. The list of people who can benefit from better time management is a long one, and includes students, teachers, factory workers, managers, business owners, artists, musicians, contractors, engineers, clergy, and countless others. The fact is, nearly everyone can benefit from learning the principles and techniques of how to be better stewards of time.

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Concerta Benefits and Side Effects

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Concerta Benefits and Side Effects

A number of ADHD medications are hitting the market, joining the old Ritalin standby. Concerta, in its relatively short existence, has already grabbed a sizeable portion of the ADHD medication market share.

Although Concerta offers a number of advantages over the older ADHD medications, it also has several side effects that people with Attention Deficit and parents of Attention Deficit children should be aware of before administering this medication.

Concerta medication for ADHD and ADD is a once-daily treatment and, when introduced, was the first time-release formula. A modified version of Adderall, Adderall XR, followed with a time-released delivery system.

The Concerta capsule has an outer coat of medication that dissolves quickly and then two small compartments of medication inside that release gradually.

The time-released system of the Concerta capsule provides up to 12-hour coverage and provides more even coverage for ADHD symptoms but there are a few drawbacks with the capsule form.

_ If not taken early in the morning, manufacturers recommend skipping the dose for that day since the stimulants will affect normal sleep patterns.
_ Some people find that, even with early morning dosing, Concerta significantly disrupts normal sleep patterns.
_ Because of the tablet's non-deformable shell, the Concerta pill cannot be cut to decrease the dosage. This aspect causes trouble for people with Attention Deficit still working to find the best dosage levels or for those who wish to give their child a lower dose for half-days at school. Increasing or decreasing by any amount requires a new prescription.
_ Parents cannot crush the tablet and mix with food for children who have difficulty swallowing pills since crushing the Concerta medication will also destroy the release mechanism.
_ The Concerta shell does not completely digested and remnants of the Concerta tablet can often be seen in stools. Although most peoples digestive systems can typically pass a wide variety of very interesting articles and does not typically pose a serious health hazard, Concerta is not recommended for people with gastrointestinal narrowing and digestive problems.

Concerta Side Effects:
Concerta side effects seem less pronounced than Ritalin and Dexedrine side effects. Although Concerta side effects are less pronounced than the older medications side effects, the Concerta medication for ADD and ADHD still pose negative side effects, as do other ADHD medications.

Concerta Side Effects include:
_ abdominal pain
_ aggravation, nervousness, hostility, sadness
_ drug dependence
_ dizziness
_ headache
_ tics
_ insomnia and prolonged sleepiness
_ loss of appetite
_ increased coughing, sinusitis, upper respiratory tract infection
_ vomiting
_ allergic reaction
_ increased blood pressure
_ psychosis (abnormal thinking or hallucinations).

Concerta should not be used by people with marked anxiety or agitation, glaucoma, or tics or during treatment with monoamine oxidase inhibitors.

The stimulant methylphenidate, also used in Ritalin, is the active ingredient in the Concerta medication for ADHD and ADD. The medical community has not yet determined the long-term effects of having methylphenidate in the bloodstream for prolonged hours every day for numbers of years.

In stating the potential for abuse and dependence on this drug, the Concerta manufacturer also instructs people to inform their doctor if their child has ever used or been dependent on alcohol or drugs, or if the child is now using or dependent on alcohol or drugs.

Concerta, along with all other ADHD medications currently on the market, is not recommended for children under the age of six since its safety and effectiveness has not been determined. Despite ADHD drug manufacturer's own labels warning against prescribing these powerful drugs to young children, doctors increasingly prescribe ADD medications to children under the manufacturer recommended age.

Parents should carefully consider the health effects of placing small children on medications for ADD and ADHD, even if the child's health care provider prescribes an medication for ADHD or ADD.

The Concerta medication is about 70 percent effective in decreasing the symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder, which is about the same level of effectiveness to Ritalin, Adderall and Strattera.

Although the prevailing ADHD medications have about the same level of effectiveness on the general population, children and adults react differently to the different formulations. Ritalin might produce severe side effects while Concerta side effects might be minimal. Adderall side effects could present themselves differently than Strattera side effects.
People using ADHD medications know that these little pills are never the cure-all answer. Attention Deficit requires a multifaceted approach which requires many different tactics and combination of tactics. What works is highly individual, depending on individual needs.

Many people with Attention Deficit Disorder and parents of children with Attention Deficit Disorder find great Attention Deficit Disorder and ADHD success from diet supplementation - especially with amino acids and essential fatty acids - a shift in parenting tactics, modifying the home and school environment, biofeedback, neuro-linguistic programming, stress relief measures and exercise.

The greatest successes are found by being bold and trying a combination of many measures.

Comparing Increases Sibling Rivarly

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Comparing Increases Sibling Rivarly

One child takes off his boots at the back door. The other, leaves a trail of muddy water across the kitchen floor. At times like this, it is tempting to compare siblings; Donna, look at the mess you made! Why cant you be more like your brother? He knows better than to walk through the house with wet boots on.

Comparing one child to another increases sibling rivalry, by creating a win/lose relationship. It pits siblings against each other for a sense of self worth. Yet, even the most well meaning parents find themselves comparing at one time or another. How does comparing lead to trouble between siblings? What can you do when you are tempted to compare?

One mom said to her daughter, Shawne, your room is a mess. Lori would never leave her room like that. Go to your room and dont come out until its as clean as Loris. Shawne begins cleaning her room. The comparison seems to lead to positive results, but lets take a closer look. If you could read Shawnes mind as she heads off to her room, what would she be thinking? Im so glad I have a sister like Lori. Thanks to her, I know exactly how clean my room needs to be, or, Lori is always getting me into trouble. I wish I didnt have a sister. Ill make her pay for this. When you look at a comparison from the childs point of view, its no surprise that hostile feelings are created.

The hostility one child feels for another, after being compared, can poison the sibling relationship. Good feelings are replaced with resentment and frustration, and sometimes fantasies of revenge. Worse yet, children learn to value themselves based on their siblings behaviors and attributes instead of their own.

How can mom encourage Shawne to clean her room without comparing? She can specifically describe what she wants from her child without any mention of a sibling. The toys on your bedroom floor need to be put in the toy box and your drawers need to be closed. What does Shawne think now? Oh darn, I guess I have to finish cleaning my room. Did you notice that she was not distracted by thoughts about her sibling this time?

Replace unfavorable comparisons with a specific description of how you feel or what you need from the individual child.

Instead of comparing: "You would get better grades, if you worked as hard as Martha," describe how you feel about this child: "I feel confident that more study time will help you improve your grades."

Instead of comparing: "Stop shouting. Osa never talks to me that way," describe what you need from this child: "I expect you to tell me how angry you are without raising your voice."

We compare because it seems like a good way to motivate. In reality, children often feel less motivated than ever. Kids who believe that they cant live up to a siblings accomplishments, stop trying. If they cant be best at being good, they may decide to be best at being bad. This negative outcome can be sidestepped by eliminating comparisons.

Sometimes, we compare children favorably to their siblings. Here are some favorable comparisons:

"I wish your brother took his schoolwork as seriously as you do."

"I can always count on you to be ready on time. Your brother is always making us late."

"Your hair is just gorgeous. I cant do a thing with your sisters hair."

On the surface favorable comparisons seem harmless. However, parents in my workshops, share the following reactions to being compared favorably to their siblings:

"I felt superior to my siblings and they still resent me for it."

"To this day, I feel pressured to be the responsible one."

"I was the smarter one. I did everything I could to make my younger brother look stupid. I was afraid that I wouldnt be special anymore if he got attention for being smart too."

"I felt sorry for my sister, and guilty for being favored."

"I felt uncomfortable hearing my brother criticized. I wondered if they ever criticized me behind my back."

Making a child feel good at the siblings expense, creates a backlash of hurtful feelings. Replace favorable comparisons with a specific description of what you notice or appreciate about your child as an individual. For example, "Its nice to see how much you value your education." "Thanks for being ready on time." "Your hair is a pleasure to look at."

Awareness helps to eliminate sibling comparisons from your parenting style. Whenever Id hear myself begin to compare my kids, Id stop in mid-sentence. It was surprising to see how often Id catch myself. With practice, I began translating a comparison in my head into helpful words that focused directly to the needs of the child I was speaking to. In time, I began to see more warmth between my kids, and less conflict.

By eliminating comparisons, you increase effective communication, and decrease hostility between siblings. Instead of comparing, describe specifically what you see, feel, or need from each child individually, with no mention of a sibling. Eliminating comparisons alone, may not turn bitter rivals into loving buddies, but it does reduce friction, allowing friendly feelings to grow.

Communication Getting to Know Your Child

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Communication Getting to Know Your Child

Communicating is an art. It is a learned skill. There are many ways to communicate, however for the purpose of this article I am going to focus on the verbal form of communicating.

Verbal communication is generally defined as the sharing of ideas, thoughts, and opinions through the process of speaking and listening. Communication is the glue that "connects" two people.

The art of communicating takes place when a thought, idea, or opinion is put forth toward another person and that person listens and "hears" what was said.

Therapists and counselors will tell you without hesitation the most important aspect of any relationship is communication.

Each day people will experience something that will affect them. It can be something small or something big. Regardless of its magnitude, it will on some level change the person. Our experiences can reinforce an idea or opinion we already have, or they can open our minds to see something in a different way. It can be something we have never experienced before. Our experiences are the catalyst for our growth.

Sharing these experiences and their effects is what builds and strengthens relationships. When we share what is going on inside our minds we are sharing "who" we are at that moment in time. We are sharing what differentiates us from each other. Our thoughts, opinions, and ideas are the ingredients of our uniqueness.

There are times when it is appropriate to just listen and not respond. In some situations, people simply have the need to have what they are thinking heard and not responded to. Being able to make that distinction is what makes communication an art form.

Knowing when to respond and when not to, is learned through experience. Paying attention to the person while he is speaking and watching for clues will tell you whether they are looking for your opinion or just needing a sounding board.

The relationship between a parent and child works the same way. Communicating with your child is what will determine the type of relationship you will share. On going communication is what will allow the relationship to deepen and strengthen.

In today's society parents are often so busy they forget the need to consciously cultivate a relationship with their children. It is certainly not a lack of desire; they are generally placing most of their time and energy into providing for their children.

At the end of the day, they are grateful that they have been able to provide the necessities in life and devote even a small amount of time to just being with their children.

Too often, the type of relationship they have with their children is not usually examined until a problem surfaces.

It is critical to immediately, regardless of the age of your children, begin to create a relationship built on communication rather than to wait until there is a problem.

So often when a child becomes a teenager, we hear parents say they have no idea what is going on with their child. They complain that they don't understand them and most definitely are not in agreement with the choices they see them making.

It is devastating when this reality is the result of a choice that has life-changing consequences, such as drugs, pregnancy or even suicide.

As with most things, the responsibility of teaching children to communicate lies with the parent.

Parents need to "steer" their relationship toward a bonding that includes a mutual respect and sharing of thoughts and ideas and opinions.

The most effective tool parents have to teach their children to communicate is to teach by example. In addition to your children witnessing you communicate with other people; I have two exercises that you can use to help you establish communication with your children.

The first grew out of a tradition that many families practice at Thanksgiving. Our family, like many others, goes around the dinner table and shares something we are thankful for.

Because we lead a busy hectic life, as most families do, time has always been an issue for us. With work schedules and children's activities, a major goal for us has always been to have more quality time. We wanted time where we could connect with our children and get to know what was "going on" with them and in their lives.

So we decided to practice the "thankful" ritual on a daily basis, or at least as often as possible.

At breakfast or dinner, depending on when we are all together, we begin by sharing something we are grateful for. To encourage the children to put thought into what they are grateful for, we decided that it needed to be something besides what we call "the obvious".......family, home, friends, food etc.

This almost always opens the lines of communication and leads us to great conversations. Children love to be the center of attention and to be listened to!

An alert parent can very cleverly turn most topics into "teachable moments."

The second idea is something that has proven to be extremely valuable. We set up a forum in which our children can use their power, explore their identity as an individual, and gain the experience of being part of a group where people have different opinions and thoughts.

This platform has been the birthplace of a lot of character building conversations.

Many years ago we established "the family meeting" concept. It began as a way to encourage them to voice their feelings when they were very young. Over the years, it has developed into much more.

The rules are simple: Anyone in our family has the right to call a family meeting. The meeting can be to discuss, request, or share anything they feel is important to them. They are given the opportunity to speak freely without fear of reprisal. All others respectfully listen. All other family members are given the opportunity to respond. If it is a situation that affects the entire family and a decision is required, a vote is taken in which majority rules.

During our family meetings, we often find the opportunity for many teachable moments. Through these meetings, our children gain a sense that their thoughts and feelings are important and valuable.

It gives us the opportunity to stay on top of what is going on in their lives and in their minds. We are able to address anything that could lead to negative programming, unhealthy choices, or limiting beliefs.

Additionally, we have found that when a situation arises that requires conversation and we cannot address it at that particular moment due to time restraints, the children understand that it is on the agenda for the next available time for a family meeting. Knowing this, they feel that although they could not be "heard" right then, their feelings and thoughts are valued and they will be heard as soon as possible. This adds the lesson of patience as well as the fact that even though they are not the center of attention, they are important.

We have examined the importance of communication as well as suggesting activities to promote communication with your children.

Now, we will examine how to communicate with your children.

The single most important thing to remember is to listen. Do not feel that you must have all the answers...it is more important for your children to know they can say anything and talk about anything without being judged or punished.

The second important thing to remember is that it is not your job to just dictate commands for your children to obey or disobey. Nothing will breakdown a relationship quicker than the child feeling their thoughts and opinions don't count.

It is your job to encourage and support them in determining the best solution for them not to control them.

Finally, most of all, honor your child's individuality; respect the fact that they are their own person. Allow them to develop into who they are created to be, not a carbon copy of who we are.

The principles of the law of attraction state that what you put out will come back to you. Applying this to communicating with children, tells us that when we value and respect our children's thoughts, ideas and opinions, they will value and respect ours.

Collaborative Divorce Revolutionizing the Way Divorces Are Handled

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Collaborative Divorce Revolutionizing the Way Divorces Are Handled

A new paradigm is needed for the way family law is practiced in Michigan, and a new method called Collaborative Divorce is leading the way.

Divorce is a life-changing event. A select group of attorneys can now offer a better way to end a marriage through specialized advanced training in Collaborative Divorce. This groundbreaking method revolutionizes the way couples divorce. It addresses your legal, financial, and emotional needs and achieves the best family arrangement possible. Families at war produce only losers and no winners. This exciting new process empowers you - not lawyers or a judge - to shape the outcome of your divorce.

The key benefits of Collaborative Divorce are that it is non-adversarial; solutions can be tailor-made and flexible; clients have control of the pace; experts (accountants, financial advisers, therapists or counselors) can be brought in and work with the couples; and privacy is preserved.

"I believe that Collaborative Divorce is the most exciting development in family law in many, many years. Clients love it; they regard the process as direct, clear and amicable while avoiding the expenses and latent aggression of the court process." Says Lori D. Becker, Bloomfield Hills Divorce Attorney and Mediator.

Each spouse retains their own specially trained collaborative lawyer, if they wish to achieve the many benefits of collaborative divorce. Traditional lawyers, no matter how friendly or cooperative, lack the special skills and training those collaborative lawyers can provide.

Becker is one of the few Michigan divorce attorneys trained in Collaborative Divorce, in which both spouses' divorce attorneys negotiate a settlement outside of court - with a written agreement not to litigate.
"It's a healthier way to help families," says Becker. " Collaborative Divorce is a holistic approach to family law. Attorneys trained in this method are highly skilled not only in family law, but in effective communication, cooperative negotiation, and creative problem-solving. With a Collaborative Divorce, you get a plan on how to handle future issues."

Working with a team of caring specialists that includes two lawyers, two coaches, a financial consultant, and a child specialist (if necessary), you and your spouse focus on building a consensus that addresses the needs of everyone who will be directly affected by the divorce.Every divorce involves a complex intertwining of emotional, financial and legal issues that no single professional has the range of skills to address comprehensively. When you have the right team member available to help solve the problem, it usually gets solved more quickly and economically and at a higher level of sophistication. You're less likely to return again and again to court to rehash problems that weren't really resolved in the first place. That's why -- paradoxically -- a team generally costs a couple less, not more. "Through divorce coaching, I have seen dramatic improvement in the way couples communicate - even in the most contentious cases" states Dr. Nancy Fishman, a Birmingham Mental Health Specialist. "For example, if one of you is frightened or angry, instead of going to the divorce lawyer, you'll spend a few sessions in coaching and then come back to the legal negotiating table much better equipped to think clearly and negotiate for long-term lasting resolution. You spend only what is needed for the right kind of constructive help to solve the problem. It can be instrumental in keeping the legal fees from escalating."

People need to be educated about conflict - specifically, avoiding it when appropriate, using the energy in a more constructive way, and saving the courtroom only for truly immovable, conflicted cases. Collaborative Divorce specialists create long-term financial and parenting plans that work by enabling their clients to understand and address their children's needs while conserving emotional and financial resources, and by helping clients play an active role in designing their lives after divorce. Cutting corners in how you meet the challenges of divorce may be the most expensive thing you can do.

For more information on Collaborative Divorce, please visit the Collaborative Practice Institute of Michigan at www.CollaborativePracticeMI.org

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